Or: My journey from depression to a life under my control.
Where did it all start? In early 2000 I was sitting with my family physician because I was at a point where I was not functioning in my job or, more importantly, as a husband and life partner. Of course everyone feels 'down' from time to time but this was very different. Very.
I had been in a black place for a long time - probably years, if I'm honest when looking back.
The long and short of it is that I was diagnosed with major clinical depression and was immediately put on a variety of SSRI medications, and a couple of others thrown in for good measure. That continued until they found the one that worked best for me. I now recognize this just meant the one that screwed me up the least!
I was one of the “lucky” ones since I had insurance that covered my salary (because I could no longer work) and paid for doctors, psychologists and other health professionals to look after me for over 2 years. With hindsight I’m not sure if this was the huge benefit that Cherry and I thought it was at the time, or whether it was just two years out of my life living in a drug induced "happy place" that wasn't really happy, just grey. I did manage to spend time researching and trying to find a better solution to the problem, however depression was not well understood back then, so it was tough to find helpful information.
Sharing it with others
I did make a decision that I was not going to keep this quiet. I was going to talk about how I felt and what was happening to me, as I wanted the people who knew me to try and understand and maybe help... I now know that it's not an easy thing for other people to deal with depression in a relative or friend, but I firmly believe that talking was therapeutic for me. And apart from anything else, it can be exhausting to hide something as major as this, so being open about it makes things much easier overall.
I guess it also comes back to the old chestnut: if I had broken my arm, people would see the cast and my arm in a sling, so they'd know what I had done, could imagine what I was going through and understand how to help me deal with it. But with depression, there were no physical signs that my brain was broken and there were no social benchmarks or protocols in society on how people around me should react to someone with depression.
My wife wanted and needed to understand as much as she could about why her man was acting like an alien. We lucked into a book that in my opinion is one of the best for understanding depression, Taming the Black Dog by Bev Aisbett (available on Amazon here). It's a fantastic, very readable book with great cartoon illustrations, designed to help you understand the “Black Dog” - a name that Winston Churchill gave to his own depression. It provides a sometimes humorous but very accurate and helpful look into the world of depression without any “clinical doctor-speak”. It gave my wife a glimpse into how I was feeling and why I was acting the way I was, and it certainly helped us talk about what was going on for me.
The turning point
I lived the drug-induced “grey” life for a few years, with no terrible days but no good ones either. I still could not function well enough to go back to work, so I made "me" my work. This I did to the best of my abilities, keeping fit, eating well, getting outdoors (I rediscovered a love of fishing from the local jetty!), doing as the doctor ordered and seeing specialist after specialist.
I finally got two pieces of advice that were truly golden because they were a turning point for me and set me on the path I have now been on for over 17 years. I'll share them with you here because my bet is that this will help others too.
One of my specialists recommended a technique called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), giving me a way to trap all the nagging negative thoughts that would continually take over my mind. And please don't be put off by the name - it might sound a bit technical, but it's simply a deliberate thinking technique that's very easy to learn. It worked so well for me that after I'd been using it for a while, I was able to wean myself off the drugs because I realized I no longer needed pharmaceutical help.
The second piece of advice came from a friend, gym training partner and Network Spinal Analysis (NSA) practitioner, Chris. He helped with care of my body and nervous system through our training sessions, treated me with NSA entrainments, and taught me breathing techniques. But a deceivingly simple thing that Chris said to me one day has been so powerful for me, I've never forgotten it: "It's OK to feel bad for a short while. Don’t fight it, work with it. Discover how to 'pet' the Black Dog and then 'shoo' it away when you're done."
So with CBT and Chris's wise advice to work with, I started to take back control of my life.
Living with depression under control
My wife and I have learnt a lot about my depression and about us as a partnership since that diagnosis 20 years ago. I can now recognize a “bad day” coming on and will tell her, so she knows that I need time and space to deal with the black dog. She now knows I will normally be back in a day or so….. But the great thing is that nowadays, even on the bad days I can still function as a human and continue working - just at 70-80% not my normal 110%!
One other technique that has helped me over the years is gaming..... I know not everyone is a gamer and is not going to start. No need to worry, listening to audio books (I'm dyslexic as well!) also helps and I use both to occupy my mind and drown out the negative thoughts. I have found that if I can cram fun stuff into my brain then the negative does not have as much space to work, so I have a better time in the bad days. I guess it makes sense that the more YOU can do to fill your mind the less room the "black dog" has to operate.
Anyway to the real point, this article is not a pity party. I wrote this to pass on the techniques that allowed me to get where I am today - in control of my life. I want to ensure you have what you need to take back control of your life and not have to spend years in the grey SSRI medicated world, like I did, where nothing much changes except the time and the date.
This is also a classic "if only" story. If only I had known about a guy called James Gordon and his book and techniques back in 2000. Unfortunately it had not been published when I was working my way through depression so I had to discover answers for myself. But, fortunately, we now have access to James' methodology. What he has written is exactly what worked for me, which took me years to discover, so I'm really pleased to have found it in an easily accessible format that I can share with you.
His book brings together all of the things he and I have done that have allowed us to fix ourselves, and covers the following:
What is Depression
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy – what is it and how to use it
Sleep – how to get the right amount
Exercise – how to set up a daily exercise routine that works for you
Diet – how this impacts on your depression and what to do about it
People – how to deal with the people in your life and help them and you work together on this
Sunlight – you always feel better in the sun, plus it helps with vitamin D levels which is a huge benefit
Help yourself by helping others – get past the feeling of emptiness by helping other people.
So, following on from the last point, if you let me know your email address I will help you by sending you a short, FREE PDF with 5 simple tips you can work with right NOW (or share with a loved one).
If you then want more than that, the PDF contains links to James' complete system, called "Destroy Depression", where you will have everything you need in one place so you can start on your recovery from depression and take back control of your life. The great thing is that with James' system, you can tailor your own program, so that you are comfortable with it and it WORKS for you.
If you (or someone you know) are dealing with depression, please get these 5 tips and consider James's book. They will help.
By the way, my wife said she will follow up this article with one about my journey from her perspective, so sign up to get notification when it's published.
Very Important Note: In crisis? If you or someone you know is in crisis right now, seek help immediately. To find local help, search on the web for "mental health help" or phone the emergency services number (fire/police/ambulance) for your country to get immediate assistance.
Note: We may be compensated if you purchase a product recommended. It won't cost you any more than if you went direct. This is one of the ways we finance our business, which enables us to share our knowledge and advice through this website. (We can teach you how to do this too.)
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